The truth is there are a thousand shades of gray, blue, pink, you name it, you have choices, just go to Home Depot and try asking for gray. I haven’t read the book but I’ve been told about its content, given what I know, I’m not headed that way with this post. Perspectives, this is what I’m going to write about. My husband always says that the way you choose to look at things that happen in life determines what type of result you will go through in that given situation. I also recently read the same kind of message from a book my father in law gave me for Christmas,  Life’s Greatest Lessons: 20 Things That Matter by Hal Urban, teacher turned writer. I’m not finished with the book yet but he does make some very interesting points on the way you choose to look at things and how those decisions lead you, in essence, to better or worse.

I completely understand this concept, it’s like Friedrich Nietzsche’s argument on truth, there is no truth since its based on a perspective, so you can technically say there is no truth outside of a perspective. Ok, so before I go into an in depth study of Nietzsche (flashbacks of my Rhetoric classes as an undergrad at Berkeley) I will get on with it. Today I was told I was choosing to see a certain situation at its worse, this coming from my positive outlook on life husband. After I hung up the phone, I thought really hard about it, I even dreamed about it and then the light bulb came on, he was wrong in this situation and so was Hal Urban. Well maybe not completely wrong, but I’ll explain.

What is to say that something truly negative happens, yes you can still look at it from a positive perspective (lessons learned, what not to do again, what to do differently in the future…I get it) but does that then make the antagonist’s actions forgotten, simply overlooked, forgiven…you should forgive when possible, by all means I’m all for it, but I feel as though in my situation the antagonist is getting a jail free card and somehow I’m the one feeling bad about it now! Something isn’t right.

To clarify, Urban doesn’t simply say to forget and move on, but that’s what my husband told me to do and though I initially thought he was right, he is wrong. The actions committed (they aren’t serious by any means but I felt light should be shed on the issue) were still insensitive and the antagonist should take responsibility instead of trying to turn the tables and make the victim feel as if her feelings are unjustified.

So there, I’ve said my peace and I hope my husband can see it too.

Today I got some bad news. I knew immediately before anything was said that the news wasn’t going to be good news. As he started to tell me what I had a hunch was going to be said (hints here and there weeks prior), I immediately wanted to start crying and walk out of the living room. But I didn’t. I stayed and played it cool even though my eyes immediately watered, my face felt as though it was burning and what felt like a gulf ball had formed in my throat. If you’ve ever experienced this ball in your throat sensation you know very well that once the feeling is there, you’re probably not going to say anything unless you are prepared to sound like you’re about to have a breakdown. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll probably start crying because you won’t be able to hold back.

This has been a problem since I was a little girl. I would cry over being pushed by my older sister, if my brother teased me excessively, or if someone spoke to me too harshly. It was normal to see me cry in my household, yet it hardly had the effect I wanted it to have because I did it almost every day! Thankfully I am no longer so sensitive but every now and then I’ll let it out.

Today would have been one of those days where tears were very justified but I held back (I was very proud of myself!), only to realize that it really only made me feel worse. Natey was up almost all night yesterday so I got very little sleep last night. After the bad news conversation was had I put Natey down for a nap and  snuggled right next to him deciding that I too needed a nap. I woke up to DD picking up Natey as he cried next to me letting me know he was unhappy 🙂 In hindsight I’m glad I didn’t say anything. I avoided swollen eyes ( I get them every time I cry!), had time to think about what I felt and how I’m going to let him know that it’s truly not ok, although I stated otherwise. 

The conversations ended with him embracing me, kissing me, telling me he loved me, and asking me not to be mad. I’m not mad, I know he loves me and I appreciate him talking to me but I’m devastated. So as I write this post tonight, watching Natey sleep and missing Z (he’s out of town for the weekend), I’m glad everything unfolded the way it did. Not everything went according to plan but I did have it in me to maintain my composure when it felt like the walls around me were crumbling down.

To better days 🙂

…Or so I thought. Today in my mommy and me class I finally had the courage to ask the dreaded question, “Is anyone else losing their hair?” to which more than half of the mommy’s responded to immediately. It was as if I placed the television on mute and turned it off as soon as I was done asking my question.

My friend Adri told me to read a book called The Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy: Or Everything Your Doctor Won’t Tell You by Vicki Iovine when I told her I was pregnant. The book does a very good job of talking about things that no one tells you about either because they don’t remember or simply because their embarrassed. Having read the book I thought I was pretty prepared for everything that was to come, and thus far the book has done well by me until a couple weeks ago when my hair started to fall out. I know what you’re thinking (my hair falls out all the time Karla, it’s normal ) yes, it is, but post-pregnancy (not if you’re one of the lucky few) you will shed worse than a dog.

Disgusting. I know. But I wanted you to see. I rolled the hair into a ball to make it visible to the camera. This is not even a days worth of hair, this is hair loss from a 5 minute shower! I feel like a baby with the amount of baby hair I have. I even have bangs now due to all the hair that is coming in. So there, I’ve said it and now you know what to expect if you ever have a baby. I was hesitant to blog about it because I didn’t want everyone looking at my head but it would’ve been nice to know prior, it would’ve saved me a lot of stress thinking I was malnutritioned.

Have a good night 🙂