We all know someone who has had a baby and taken maternity leave. Six weeks of baby bonding time between mommy and baby. Sweet. Now how many of you know a male who has taken his paternity time? That one takes a lot longer to think about and you’ll probably draw a blank. I’ve always known it existed, it only makes sense that a father be given the same opportunity as the mother, however most men don’t take the opportunity. The thing is, if you live in California like me, you live in one of the two states (the other being New Jersey) in the US that actually pays men to take their bonding time (55 percent of their salary)! 

While talking to different fathers, the most common responses to the bonding time question (for the most part) fell into two categories:

1. they didn’t know bonding time existed

2. they knew about it, had the choice but declined it

Number one needs no explanation. They simply didn’t know. Number two was very interesting. The most common reasons were fearing that they would be overlooked for a promotion at work, would be viewed differently by male coworkers and couldn’t imagine themselves being home for that long. All understandable reasons except for the last one. Some said they would actually have to do “stuff” if they stayed home and they wouldn’t be able to cope. Some of the wives even said they’d prefer if their husbands didn’t stay home as it would only cause trouble in the relationship. 

Whichever way you think you would feel about it, i thought the topic was interesting and I could see all sides to the argument. Z is on his third week of bonding time. Thus far it has been really nice having him home, especially seeing the relationship that Natey and Z have developed in the last weeks. I remember a fellow mommy asking me how I felt about Z being home for that long prior to the break. I told her I thought it would be fun but I definitely had my reservations given that Natey and I have a well established routine. We know what days we do what, what time he sleeps, when he has alone time…and if any of you are mothers, you know any kind of change can cause major disruption to the civil order. But it has gone too well. I love having Z home, granted I now have more work since I’m cleaning up after two 24 hours, 7 days a week, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world (even though I have had my meltdowns!). 

Z can’t figure out why it’s not ok to leave shoes all over the living room, why dirty clothes must go in the hamper, why we can’t leave pots and pans (used for drumming time) in the middle of the kitchen floor, why we must do the bed in the mornings, why it’s not ok to play so rough in the bathtub that the water ends up flooding the bathroom, why watching the baby means watching the baby and not starring at the television or phone. There is much Z doesn’t understand (and believe me it drives me insane) but I love having him home. Watching the two men in my life fall more and more in love with one another is the most beautiful thing.

Anyway, when you have your baby make sure you know everything you can take advantage of, either you or your partner. If you can, take the time, do the extra work (mommies) and enjoy the immense love that will shower your home with a little bit of thunder, of course!