The Journey to Becoming Diaper Free

As much as I thought I had read and fully prepared myself to do away with diapers, potty training is potty training. There is no way around it. There is no such thing ( at least for me and Nathan) as a three day training method and we’re done. It is definitely one of those things that time will make perfect.

First day of training: July 3, 2014
We started potty training July 3rd. We gave ourselves a three day weekend to tackle potty training our little toddler. We followed, for the most part, the three day potty training method (by Lora Jensen), except we did not do away with night diapers. It felt cruel to allow Natey to go on himself at night while he is resting from his busy busy days (this on top of having to clean and change sheets every night 😁). 
Clearly Natey loved his potty
We began by following the three day potty training theory. We threw away diapers together and celebrated the potty. We made his potty chart, bought stickers and his favorite cookies, fortune cookies. The deal was he would get a sticker for going, even if it was just a drop of pee, in the potty, sticker and fortune cookie if it was poopoo and a ride on a train if his whole potty chart got full. Wait, I’m forgetting his song. We made up a song we would sing every time he went, inspired by the Mickey Mouse Club House hot dog song. We were prepared, or so we thought. My mother in law even got him the potty Elmo. Although it didn’t help him go, it did allow us to know he understood the process. 
                                                         
We had plenty of accidents, including some at playgrounds and stores. But after the first three days of staying indoors, you can’t wait to leave the house.  Fear overtakes you knowing that your toddler may or may not let you know when he has to go. But life goes on and once again your diaper bag becomes heavy with a travel potty, wipes, change of clothes (more than one), and rewards. It took Nathan 2 1/2 weeks to fully understand what he needed to do and become completely comfortable with it. 
So here is what I thought made the process ‘easier’ if you are going to follow the three day process: 
-Although the book says to keep the potty in the restroom, we never made it to the potty once he started to go. So I carried the potty from room to room the first five days until we were able to make it to the restroom. 
– after the first week, if your toddler is still not letting you know when he needs to go (Natey didn’t) and says no when you ask, just take them to the potty every 1 1/2- 2 hours and they will probably go. 
-Do not force them to stay on the potty if they don’t go right away; they simply won’t go because they are now upset.
-Give them a long term goal. Nathan loves trains so I told him if we filled up his chart we were going to go ride a train and every time he went, we would pretend to go on a train. When he filled up his chart, we woke up early in the morning, had our breakfast and headed to a train ride. 
    
-Have a visible chart of their progress (or something like it, i.e. decorating their potty with the stickers they earn). 
-Watch for their cues (Natey would start grabbing his underwear before he would go)

-Be patient and don’t give up. When they finally get it, you will cry and want to text everyone a picture of your baby’s pee! 
-And last but not least, buy yourself a travel potty to keep in your diaper bag (we got the Kalencom 2 in 1 on amazon and it works great!), a car seat waterproof liner and lots of patience! 
           
Natey’s first travel potty pee! 
                                                                     

My Emme Thoughts

There are a lot of things that I find myself doing that most would probably find a bit odd, unless, you too, have known the depth of losing a child. I scroll through my Emme’s pictures every night, and listen to Amanda Cook’s strengthening lyrics, all while I lay down with Emme’s heart on my chest. A dear friend sent me a beautiful heart a little after Emme’s passing. It weighs exactly what Emme weighed at birth, and it’s beautiful. At night I lay it on my chest and clear all my thoughts, and I can feel Emme ‘s skin against mine. I can smell her soft smell. I can smile and picture her with our Father, dancing on his feet, as the happy baby she was.

I have been called brave a lot lately. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself brave, but I would say I am trying my very best to be happy. Happiness. As I write the word it almost seems so far away from where I am now. But I am happy for many things. I am happy for Emme and the time I was given with her. I am happy that I got to take pictures of her. I am happy that she slept on my chest a whole night. I am happy I was able to love her for a lifetime in 8 days. I am happy that all she knew on earth was love.

A few weeks ago I had to leave an event to go pump.  As I sat in the hotel room, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I stopped myself from feeling the way a child feels when abandoned by its parents. I felt alone and inconsolable. I got up, pulled myself together and headed towards the door and just then I thought aloud: I am not without my baby, in fact, you could say I am a mother to many infants because my little Emme’s milk is feeding many little ones. I smiled.

Every day is a new day. What made me cry yesterday may not today. What made me cry today may bring me joy tomorrow. It’s all new. Every day. And in my Father my hope is renewed.