Today I took Nathan to art class and was taken aback by grief. The thing about grief is that you get to a good place and you feel like you are making progress and then something happens and you are right back where you started. You feel as though someone punched you in the stomach and you’re gasping for air.

This morning in art class I bumped into a mommy I had not seen since I was pregnant with Emme. I was really happy to see her and her now almost two year old. As we settled in to talking, she quickly asked with a huge smile on her face, ” how is the baby girl? She’s what? Five months now, right?”. My heart felt the heaviest it has felt in weeks. Thousands of feeling slapped my face from all directions and my body immediately began heating up. The mothers around us turned with smiling faces waiting for my response. I was filled with sadness as I answered, “Yes, she would have been 5 months today, but she didn’t make it.” Her reaction was very loving and unlike many, she immediately offered her condolences and continued the conversation with me. My sister, who happened to be spending the morning with me, immediately sat by my side and played and talked with Nathan. Although she didn’t say anything, I was grateful she sat by my side, as it took everything within me to compose myself.

Yes, today my little Emme Sophia would have been 5 months. We, together, would have been anxiously expecting the arrival of her best friend. She would have been snuggled tightly in my Ergo Baby, as her big brother painted stars on the wall. It would have been a very different day.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. There will never be a day I don’t think of her. The pain of not having her with me burns just as intensely as it did the day she left earth. As my little family moves forward, our little Emme will always move forward with us. She is a huge part of everything with do now, and will always be.