It’s 2:32am and I can’t sleep. I have a bad case of insomnia. There is nothing I dislike the most than not being able to sleep when I’m tired. But I’m not upset about it. I’m lying in bed and all I can think about is the song my heart sings for Emme, every day. It is such a beautiful song and unconsciously it plays on repeat. Every scene of the song has become so tangible I can walk in and out of it. I spend time with my daughter every day, and my heart is joyous.
My heart has tailored the song to Emme and it goes like this:
Emme, you have been forever you will be
Baby there is no time limit on your destiny
Baby you have made a permanent mark on me
Thought seemingly a whisper
Your life has brought me to my knees
you’re a giant in the heavenlies
My little giant in the heavenlies
Emme
Because where you are is where we want to be
Dancing on the feet of our father
So Emme save a place for me
Dance on the feet of our father
Emme you have been
Forever you will be
Emme there is no time limit on your destiny
Emme you have made a permanent make on me
And though the pain within me lingers you bring me to my prince of peace
you’re a giant in the heavenlies
My little giant in the heavenlies
Emme
This song, Goldie, was written by Amanda cook for her precious friend’s late daughter, Luca Gold (see original ). It has become emme’s lullaby. I feel so close to her when my mothers heart sings it to my precious baby.
Emme would be 9 months this January. Instead of loving on my baby I bask on the handful of memories I have of us. And though my heart breaks every day, wishing for brief seconds my reality would have been different, I find joy in what I have. Especially knowing one day we will be able to embrace once again, as we should have been able to do a lifetime.
I can’t say joy is easy to find everyday, especially in the midst of mourning. But once found, it overflows. #choosejoy
Xo,
Karla
Confessions of a Wife, Mother & Cook 