April is Back

Our Family of Five

My heart grows heavy knowing that I gave birth to my daughter almost 1 year ago. And instead of holding her in my arms, cuddling away, helping her blow out her first birthday candles, I’m searching for the perfect words for her first years post.

                                                          
Emme’s Easter
April is such a heavy month for us. It brings much joy but it also brings tears. Five years ago this month, Z and I had our first date. Three years ago this month we will have been married 3 years. My father is turning 63, the same day Emme would have turned 1. We celebrate Emme’s birth and mourn her passing, as we expect our third child this month as well. 
Overwhelmed is an understatement. I find myself having really difficult days and ok days. I feel a rush of emotions coming at me every day, all while I try to stay afloat. I know this is a journey, there isn’t anything that will make it permanently better. Every day is a new day and how I deal with every day is the choice I get.

Believe

I want April to come by as quickly as possible, but at the same time I want it to be a snail. I want to feel everything about it because feeling allows me to remember. And I love remembering Emme and everything she touched. 

Emme’s First Birthday Cake
  Nathan blew out her first birthday candle yesterday. He told me he was doing it for Emme in heaven 😭 It was definitely a bitter sweet day, celebrating Easter and my little girls first birthday without her. 

   

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