A Season of Change

There have been a lot of moving parts to our family the past several months. My Mom is now in heaven, Nathan started Kinder and Elea is in early preschool. Eric is taking on his new role at work, and I’m trying to find the right balance in this new season.

There are mornings like today, when I’m driving through Culver City, passing my mom’s old place, stores she frequented and big smiles she gave as she got in and out of her car. And just as the tears flood down, I come to a stop and the sun shines bright on my skin.

I take a deep breath.

I talk to my mom about how frustrated I’ve been as of late. I had surgery 4 weeks ago. It should have been a very straight forward procedure but it turned out to be more complicated than anticipated. I’ve shed many tears in frustration. Why is my body taking so long to heal? Why couldn’t this have been easier? Why, why, why?!

The answer finally came to me this morning as my eyelids felt the warmth of the sun, on the corner of Jefferson and Playa: what am I being taught about patience?

Patience has always been an area of opportunity for me. But never has it been tested as much as it has this month, both emotionally and physically.

I left the doctors office in tears as she extended my recovery regimen another 3 weeks, with the most difficult being not carrying Elea or Nate and no working out. And as I cried it out with Eric on the phone, I continued to ask myself the question: what am I supposed to be learning here? What am I not seeing?

There is a song by Kristine Demarco where she asks God to help her see things like He does. To help her have vision. I am in desperate need of vision. So although I allow myself a few ( ok, maybe a lot) of crying sessions, I also will continue to ask for vision, to see everything through His eyes. I can’t have a pity party all day, every day.

20171006_130030