As I sit in the patio on Lei’s birthday eve, and watch the kids play in the jungle gym, I can’t believe time has moved so quickly. It feels like just yesterday I was meeting Z, falling in love despite everyones warnings of “Wild Z” ;). It seems I blinked and my belly was nice and round, once, twice and three times. My Mami was the happiest Nana. I close my eyes and they fill with warmth. I can feel her leaning against me, filling my heart with joy.

On most days I think I’m done asking questions as to why things unfold the way they do… why loss exists and how horrible it is when it hits home. But the Lord knows that the endless amount of questions will keep coming no matter how fast time moves. Time has the power to make the wound feel less raw but it doesn’t ever make it go away.

There is so much loss in the world that I’ve chosen to actively look for the rays of sunshine and focus on those moments that are priceless and fill my heart with smiles. Today as I watch Nate and Lei play outside, I’m choosing to look out and see the joy in my mother’s smile as she use to love sliding down the slide with both Nate and Aria on her lap. It is so easy to close my eyes, pause, and see it so clearly.

Today I choose my mother’s love and her endless tenderness. I choose to be purpose filled in my actions and continue to trust in the process. I want to love because I am loved. Be kind because kindness is always triumphant. I want to give what I want to receive.