When Emme passed away, a dear friend of mine sent me a beautiful white orchid. It sat inside for a long time, all its blooms fell and yet I kept it. After months, I put it outside. It was a huge orchid that probably looked sad to any passerby. Actually, I did receive a letter in the mail asking me to discard of dead plants that were not enhancing the beauty of our little community. The look of my dead orchid bothered someone enough for them to complain about my garden. I was angry when I read the letter. I though to myself, the shame of this person, unable to see that my orchid has the potential to bloom once again (full disclosure: I didn’t think it would, I just couldn’t get rid of it).

It did. It bloomed again, every year for 4 years. And when it bloomed, it bloomed greater than your average orchid. Though it wasn’t beautiful every day of the year for everyone, it had such a beautiful gift to share. Yet someone wanted me to do away with it because it wasn’t always beautiful.

I wonder how many times I’ve done the same thing. Judged based on what I saw in a quick glance.

Celebrating Nana 

This month has been difficult. My heart is filled with so many emotions. Joy from Nathan turning 7 this week, and sadness of not being able to celebrate my mother’s birthday on this side of heaven. Nathan was the first grandchild and every memory of him is one of my beautiful mother loving and nurturing him. I’ve been fighting these tough emotions but it dawned on me yesterday, that I am like that orchid that my neighbor was not able to understand. I do not always have to be happy and it is completely ok to embrace my sadness and all its effects. Simmering in what I feel and why I feel that way, is very healthy for me. Moving forward after the loss of a loved one is a lifelong process. I, out of all people, should know that by now, but it is still a very difficult concept. Time moves so fast but also seems to move sluggishly.

I am embracing my amazing family, all of my little nieces and nephews that fill my heart with joy, and the baby steps I take to move forward. I will welcome every emotion that comes along in between my beautiful blooms.