You know that feeling you get when you know you are going to be sick? Your body seems to tremble uncontrollably, you start to perspire and you can feel your arm pits begin to itch from the sweat forming droplets. You try to breathe, focusing on the pace, in and out. The knot in your stomach is being twisted and squeezed, like a piece of clothing being washed against stone down by a river in Central America. Sounds severe, and yet, this is how I feel watching Nathan get ready for his XC meets. To anyone else, Nathan looks happy and calm, waiting for the whistle to blow. I can see through the shell. I can feel the tension in his body, the excitement and fear, all the emotions running through him as his eyes move from left to right, adjusting his posture, stretching his legs, shaking them out, as he stands next to his competition.

I ran cross country in high school, but I don’t remember ever feeling sick or nervous on meet days. Maybe I have blocked out the feelings. Nate starts feeling stomachaches on Monday’s  and as Wednesday roles around, he makes comments about the torture he will endure, half joking. I recently asked him if he wanted to stop. He glared at me and said, “why would I not run?”

It’s amazing to see how much we can endure, even when it feels like torture. Then you cross the finish line and what overwhelmed you then, is now replaced by joy and relief. When Nate crosses the finish line, he takes a couple second to walk around, compose himself, and then he gives me a big smile.

Yesterday was great! He finished strong and surprisingly the nerves were not overwhelming. As we drove to the meet, he said, “ Hey Mom, I don’t feel that nervous today.” Elea followed with, “Why?” and Nathan’s response was simple and clear, “I don’t know.” 

And isn’t this life? Sometimes we feel a certain way and we can’t pin point the cause, but we know it will get better. So, keep in mind the knot in your stomach will not be there forever. You too can shake it off. Happy Thursday! 

XO