The week began with  an overwhelming Monday. I wish it would have been a broken cookie causing all the crying but this time it was Elea falling down some stairs. I was horrified and disappointed that (although I saw it happen and ran to try to catch her), I was unable to. I felt horrible. A bad mother. Yup. I even thought I was a bad mother. I don’t think it hurt that bad, but her look said it all: where were you, mama? I pull myself together and go grocery shopping (only because we won’t have anything to eat if I don’t), only to realize my wallet was left at home.

Exhale.

Inhale.

My face must have said it all (it took everything I had to hold back the tears), because the cashier very gently said it happened to everyone. Maybe. Probably. But it didn’t matter. I was falling apart and it was only 10 in the morning.

The week continued with regular toddler and baby meltdowns, not enough of me to go around, limited showers, late work nights for papa and a very tired mama. I then told Eric, this CEO was coming close to turning in her two week notice. I was nearing my breaking point. I was contemplating stepping down from this gynormous-whopping-biggest BUT most rewarding job in the world. I sat at the table while the babes napped on Wednesday and I cried because I can’t. I can’t leave this job that is so ‘abusive’ because it is my favorite job. It is not a job, it is the only thing I am honestly passionate about; motherhood. I love a lot of things but I am not passionate about any of them as much as I am about my children and husband.

On Thursday, Nate very calmly told me that he needed more attention from his mama. He wanted to have my undivided attention without it being shared, even it if was just for a little while. So as I walked to the car with yogurt in my hair, a baby crying to be released from her mamas arms, a little toddler sobbing because his sister squirted his yogurt, managed to lose his Walker’s (AT-ST: Star Wars) weapon, I, again, almost lost it. And as I was walking towards our house, a sweet older lady complimented the kids and proceeded to say “Honey, you having a good day?”, I responded, “it could be better” and she said, “oh, but everyday is a great day honey.” I smiled and walked on. Not until later when the kids were in bed and I snuggled with a blanket and a good book, did I realize the heaviness of her words. The truth.

I know what it is to have bad days. I know what it is to have your world come to an end and struggle to breathe. So even on my worst days, they are the best. But I am also well aware that I am a human being. Hard days, hard weeks, they will happen. Mommy breakdowns are completely normal. Having moments of throwing in the towel are going to happen.  I get to do what I love every day. I get to start my day singing our good morning song and I get to end it singing their favorite songs.

The week ended with warmth, love and Nate and I looking through Elea and Emme’s photo albums. Our hearts were full.

Xoxo

P.s.  This Monday was a great start to the week but the day ended with me almost burning down the house. The pan was ruined ( my favorite go-to) and dinner was a bust. But after we aired out the house, we all had a laugh about it. It could have been worst but I’ll take a burned dinner any Monday of the year 🙂